My Friend is Leaving

So I made her a playlist.

Synthesizing Anger

I laugh at myself for taking my life too seriously. I laugh at others who take themselves too seriously. Osho says, "Life should be not a serious thing, it should be a deep playfulness, a fun."

And life should be fun. But I am a scorpio and a pitta, and I want to be the best, most efficient, most productive, most giving, most humanitarian, world-saving most superlative person ever.

I recently started a new job, which I adore, and I want to succeed in this job. I've never worked at a place where I cared so much, felt so stimulated, so inspired, so passionate about the work I'm doing and the cause working for. I've also been teaching a rigorous schedule lately (I know, I promise Mom, I'm going to teach less and take care of myself), I am also taking two online courses (for fun?), volunteering at a yoga studio, trying to have my own meditation and yoga practice... The list is endless of the things I wish and hope to achieve or accomplish (ugh I sound so annoying when I talk like that).

Additionally, my sister had her second baby today, so let's say I'm a little tired and a lot overstimulated, so maybe the following episode was a bit brought on by stress and fatigue.

So today I finally got so aggravated with someone that everything became too much, and I boiled over. I felt a sudden, intense disgust and revulsion toward this person. This isn't the first time I've gotten agitated recently, in fact I've been on edge for a while now. But this time I did something different.

I sat, and I watched my anger. I assessed it. I felt it burn me. I watched my anger boil over and I felt it beat red in my veins. I felt my heart pound, I thought about it hard and I sat with my anger. And when it passed, it felt like that moment when a huge spring thunderstorm passes and the sun starts to soak up the rain from the ground, the heavy air and the clouds lift, the air is cooler and crisp, and the birds begin to emerge.

And then my anger was gone. Now the anger has passed and I can continue to enjoy life and move forward in a positive direction, while I continue cultivating playfulness in my life and begin to take thing with less intense seriousness.