Breathe through it

Have you ever tried to breathe through a straw? Next time you have one in your drink, give it a try. You'll try to suck in air as hard as you can, but you can't seem to get enough oxygen. Take a few breaths like this, and see how you feel. Your chest and throat muscles will begin to tighten, and soon enough your entire body will begin to tense and feel the threat of not taking in enough breath.

Breath is life. In yoga breath is also called "prana" or life force energy. Without breath, there is no life. Breath moves oxygen and energy through the body, and when it is constricted, the entire body feels this lack.

I know all about this tightness of breath, because it is one of the awesome symptoms of anxiety. Feeling anxious means feeling like someone is standing on your chest, and no amount of sighing or belly breathing can release that pressure. A few days of breathing like this and the entire body starts to feel it.

I was about eleven years old the first time I experienced this breathing frustration. For an active kid with no asthma in my family, feeling like I couldn't breathe deeply enough was scary. Little did I know I would spend another decade before I understood it was chemicals in my brain causing me to struggle for air.

I am once again caught in a bout of anxiety. This time, I'm a yoga teacher. This time I know the tools. I know the breathing routine, I know the chakras to open, I know the poses, but nothing is working. Not a single thing. And part of me has to accept that no amount of knowledge will liberate me from something as powerful as a malady of the brain.

Talking through it with friends, everyone offers the same advice: get to the root of the problem.

Ah, why yes! How simple?! Right?

No.

Look, sometimes it's just not that simple. It's not always about uncovering some latent issue. Sometimes anxiety or depression do stem from a specific issue one is not ready or willing to confront, but other times it's just because you were born that way. Some of us got screwed in the genetic lottery. If a friend had asthma, would you recommend they find the root of the problem and get past it? I understand that there is a lack of understanding or awareness of how the brain functions and how inherited brain chemistry can be a factor one's suffering, but it is time that both I and others stop assuming it is all in my head. Some things in life just can't be rationalized that easily.